Saturday, May 11, 2013

Look Back


I have become insomniac. Completely. I cannot sleep at night. Let’s find the reason.

Oh yes, if you are not interested then, perhaps, this blog ends here. Good-bye. If you belong to the other group, thanks for bearing me for some time, though I cannot guarantee that I will be able to find the reason.

There are too many things I want to share, may not be have to, but yes, I would like to share all these facts despite of not knowing the actual reasons or actual implications behind those. I am, as of now, fully awake, and this is two o’clock in the morning.

Thanks a lot, Karunesh. I don’t know what is that that made you think, listen and contemplate Indian (or may be Asian) music – and make you compose this beautiful trance music. I do not listen instrumentals that much. But still, everyday before sleeping, I share some deep thoughts with your music.

The current album is Zen Breakfast.

I do not have anyone to share my life, thought, pain and pleasure, and most of all – time. I am really missing the presence of someone, no, not a specific person. But yes, there has to be someone in one’s life. If you do not have someone in your life, perhaps you are the unluckiest person.

That someone may not need to be fiancée or fiancé.

That someone may not have to spend time with you everyday.

That someone may not be having the same feeling for you. It really does not matter. That someone just needs to be there – and that is enough.

And, at the very end, if you cannot that person, then please do not feel sad or take pity on me. I do not want any kind of sympathy (unless, I really need it) – I (almost) hate the sympathizing tone and sympathy-seeking mentality.

But what will I do, if I am not able to find such a person?

“You do not find a person to love, it is love which finds you.”

I do not have money. After almost four years of job, I do not have money to buy my laptop. I have never had a chance for onsite, and thereby earning in dollar or euro. I do not know what the hell I am doing with my money – it just continues to flow out of my grip. I cannot manage money. May be two movies a week will save a lot? One movie = 300 rupees. If I stop watching movies (if not something really worthy of watching), I can save at least 2000 rupees per month.

I have already stopped using planes while going home. I am using our good old train. I am still using AC – which is still a luxury. But then also, there is security in AC coaches, at least better than non-AC counterparts.

I have stopped eating outside – KFC or Pizza Hut. It will save money. What’s more, eating outside – the so-called junks - is not good for health.

I now have a good phone, a good camera, and a good laptop. What more electronic gadgets do I need? I cannot find anything more to fit in the list.

But even if I save money, what I am going to do with that?

“There should always be a balance between the wish and the wealth.”

I am not a lucky person, in terms of career.

----------------------- Long break of one year -----------------------

Nopes, I am not taking back my words. I am, still, not lucky in terms of career. Yes, I have got a good hike in last one year. That is good. But that is what I should have.

Lots of people I have seen, who have got things which they do not deserve. They are lucky.

I do not want to have that kind of luck.

I just want to have what I should have.

That is it !!!

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